A Happy New Year!

photo by Caroline Gutman via Unsplash.

Happy New Year everyone! I'm finally coming back for good to this space. Before getting back to my regular posts, I thought I'd share a little bit with you about what's been going on in my life because I know that most of you have probably experienced similar feelings and trials.

First things first, I struggle a lot with anxiety. I've suffered from it at times and other times it is like a fleeting friend. I think that's what started the roller coaster ride of sorts. I wrote a little bit about it back in October when I was struggling with flying and I had to wrestle with my feelings month before that and during that time. After coming home from California, I felt empty. I didn't realize how much time and energy had been feeding into my anxiety and when it was over I was lost. Which is a strange feeling to have when you are expecting relief.

I'm not really sure what exactly triggered everything after that except that I know I found myself confused and not knowing where I was heading with my life. I know most people my age or younger or even older struggle with these feelings at least once in their lives, but it was such an odd feeling for me to have because I've always known what I wanted. I've always been so sure of myself and have had my feet planted on the ground. But I felt as though I was still flying through the air, but this time I had no idea when or where I would be landing.

Those feelings of confusion really rattled me and I found myself becoming depressed for a couple months. Previously being a person that rarely cries, I started crying over silly emotions on a daily basis. Luckily for me, I have a wonderful group of people surrounding me that love me to no end. David blossomed into an even better man and stuck by my side and was constantly trying to cheer me up. He's fantastic and without him or my mother, I'm not sure I would have come back to myself so quickly.

I made a decision to pursue things in my career life that I wanted to pursue for the sake of benefiting myself instead of gaining money. I chose to leave my current, cushioned job and follow a different path that made me happy. I wanted to be excited about going to work and to learn something from my job instead of sitting at a desk day after day getting paid to be sad. This is my last week at my current job and I am a little nervous going forward, but mostly excited at the challenges and work that I have ahead of me.

I'm still unsure of what this blog will become. I want to do good with my voice and to exeed my own expectations of myself. I'm very grateful for the readers I've gained, the kind and wonderful words that you've given me, and for where this blog has led me in the past. I look forward to this challenge and I cannot wait to see where I go with it.

It is a very happy new year indeed.